Akolia's Avenue

Live from my favorite Thai spot because Xiandu’s in Philly and I’m not. It’s 6 PM, dinner crowd’s in, and I’m here with my usual ,Thai iced tea, spring rolls, Panang curry, and Kai Cenat trying not to laugh.

Meanwhile, I’m casually people-watching and half-listening to the next table passionately dissect the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni lawsuit. They sound personally betrayed. I’m invested.

Peak solo experience: good food, Kai Cenat YT video, and unsolicited tea.

The Power of Doing Things Alone

Here’s the thing: I wholeheartedly love existing with my friends. I love the “this and yap” moments. But I also love doing things by myself. And it doesn’t have to be some quirky, “Oh, look at me, so independent” thing. It’s just… real.

Because here’s something I’ve learned: there is a quiet, unspoken power in doing things alone, especially the things we’ve been conditioned to believe should be shared. And even more so when you don’t tell anyone about it. It’s not just solitude, it’s the quiet thrill of experiencing something purely for yourself, without an audience, without external validation. A moment that belongs only to you.

It’s basically the spiritual equivalent of taking yourself out on a date but without the constant paranoia that there’s something stuck in your teeth. And if you’ve ever eaten with me, you already know I check my teeth every five seconds like it’s a contractual obligation. Truly the fattest cognitive burden (credit to Keerthana Reddy for putting words to my struggle).

We’re so used to navigating life with others. Going to dinner with friends, watching a movie with someone, exploring a new place while constantly updating a group chat or your instagram story. There’s always a layer of sharing, a subconscious awareness that whatever we’re doing is being witnessed.

But when you take yourself out, just you, no announcements, no “Guess what I’m doing today?” texts…something shifts. The experience feels fuller, more immersive, because there’s no social layer diluting it. And because we are social creatures, we’ve been taught to measure moments by how they’re shared. A meal, a concert, a spontaneous adventure, these things feel real when someone else is there to witness them, when there’s a conversation about it after, when the memory is tethered to another person.

But when you do something alone, with no one else’s energy shaping it, you realize that you’re not curating it for others. You’re not summarizing it into a highlight reel. You’re just… in it.

And then it hits you: Oh. This is actually kinda fun. 🙂

The Science of Why Doing Things Alone Feels So Good

Turns out, this feeling? The deep contentment of solo experiences? There’s actual science behind it.

Dopamine, the Default Mode Network, and Self-Generated Happiness

When you do something alone, your brain operates differently. Without the external noise of socializing, your default mode network (DMN), a system in your brain responsible for introspection, creativity, and self-awareness, becomes more active. Basically, your brain goes into main character mode.

As neuroscientist Vinod Menon explains, the DMN is crucial for creating a “coherent internal narrative” by integrating memory, language, and self-referential thought. It’s the network that allows you to make sense of your own experiences, reflect on the past, imagine the future, and construct your sense of self. Essentially, when you’re alone, your brain isn’t just idle, it’s actively shaping your perception of who you are.

And then there’s dopamine, the neurotransmitter responsible for pleasure and motivation. While social interactions do release dopamine, studies suggest that anticipated rewards, the excitement of planning an experience, can trigger just as much, if not more, dopamine than the social experience itself (Bromberg-Martin et al., 2010).

So when you plan a solo trip to a museum, go to a concert alone, or sit at a café journaling just because? You’re not just passing time, you’re hacking your dopaminergic reward system. Your brain is learning to generate intrinsic joy, reinforcing the idea that you don’t need external validation to experience something deeply fulfilling.

That’s why those moments of solo immersion, wandering around a city, taking yourself out for dinner, or even just staring into space while overanalyzing life, feel so good. It’s not just you. It’s your brain LITERALLY  rewarding you for spending time with yourself.

The Physiological Benefits: Lower Cortisol, Higher Self-Sufficiency

Of all the reasons I love doing things alone, the biggest one is simple: I am fully, 100% relaxed.

When you’re alone, your body isn’t constantly syncing up with someone else’s energy. Instead, it shifts into parasympathetic nervous system mode, which basically means lower stress, lower cortisol, and for once, your brain isn’t running a silent background process called “How Do I Make Sure Everyone’s Having a Good Time?”

I have this little habit…..one that my friends and family have come to begrudgingly accept, where I will, without fail, disappear on vacations. A little “Wait… where did she go?” situation. (And yes, they all have my location… even though, mysteriously, it’s off sometimes. Oops.)

And just to clarify I love love LOVE group trips. But I hate being rushed with a passion and a half. The second I feel like I’m being herded through an activity or hustled to keep up with someone else’s schedule, my fight-or-flight instinct kicks in … and every single time, I choose flight.

That’s why I wake up early, wander at my own pace, stop wherever I want, and sit somewhere to ponder for an objectively absurd amount of time… just because I can. That way, I’ve already done what I wanted, so when I’m with friends and family, I can actually enjoy the moment instead of feeling anxious about what I might have missed.

Vipassana: The Deep Meditation of Simply Being

And this is where things get even deeper.

What I’m describing, the pleasure of doing things alone, the way your mind settles, the way the experience feels whole without needing validation, isn’t just a personal quirk. It’s actually rooted in an ancient meditative practice called Vipassana.

Vipassana, which translates to “clear seeing”, is a Buddhist meditation technique focused on observing reality as it is, without reaction or attachment. It’s about sitting with what is, noticing it fully, and not trying to alter the experience.

When you do something alone, fully present, you’re practicing a form of Vipassana.

You notice the texture of the moment. The small details, how the sky looks as you walk and the way music sounds when it’s just for you. You observe the sounds around you, the distant laughter, the rhythm of the city, the stillness of an empty space.

Most of us live life filling space, talking, texting, scrolling, and reacting. But Vipassana teaches that the deepest experiences come from just being. Not rushing, not explaining, not performing.

And that’s what doing things alone does. It’s a quiet rebellion against distraction. A practice of self-reliance in joy. A moment of deep, undisturbed presence.

Final Thoughts: The Art of Disappearing (In a Cool, Non-Concerning Way)

At the end of the day, it’s all about balance. Have amazing friends, be present, make memories but also? Take yourself out. Not in a grand self-care spectacle way, just in a quietly enjoying your own company because you actually like it way.

And most importantly, disappear for a second. Not long enough for your dad to start calling all your friends, triggering a chain reaction of “Where tf are you?? Answer your parents.” texts (because ifykyk), but just enough to slip away, take a breather, and do your own thing. Keep your location on just enough to avoid panic, but off just enough to maintain an air of intrigue.

That being said, don’t become a full-time NPC in your own life, mindlessly grinding solo missions and forgetting the people who make it fun. The goal isn’t isolation… it’s making sure you don’t rely on external plans to have a good time. Because life is better when you get to do both, laugh with your people and remind yourself that you’re having a good time all on your own.

So do the pasta and wine nights with your friends, the spontaneous weekend trips, the long conversations that make your stomach hurt from laughing. But also? Take yourself out. Sit at your favorite Thai spot, with a Thai iced tea, a plate of spring rolls, and Panang curry, all to yourself.